Yitz Jacobs asks about forging relationships with students, and cites the adage Don't smile until November
at the earliest." I heard that adage when I was a starting teacher I didnt like it then and I like it even less now. If we see our students as adversaries then we need to treat them as such. But woe unto a school whose teachers see the students as adversaries. Students crave, and need, teachers whom they can respect, who believe in them, and whom they know care about them.
That general guideline should inform building relationships with students as well. Teachers are significant adults in their students lives, but they are not their students friends. They need to care and show that caring. They need to focus on the students well-being and growth physical, emotional, and educational. The specifics of how much can be expected of teachers outside the classroom will vary from individual to individual and from community to community, but the teacher needs to remember for him/herself and make clear to the student that the teacher is the adult and that the student is not. Any blurring of that line is unprofessional and unhealthy for everyone involved.
The establishment of clear boundaries should not present an obstacle to creating deep, meaningful and loving relationships between teachers and students. Quite the opposite it enables them.
Kol Tuv,
Rabbi Zvi Grumet, Ed.D.
The Lookstein Center
