Dear Shalom,
The essay that directly resonated with me in the Klal Perspectives journal regarding the changing expectations from women in some segments of the Orthodox world was Rebbetzin Faigie Twerskis "The Red Mark on My Forehead", and her experience of is it me thats crazy, or is it everybody else? For years, in certain segments of our community, women have been warned away from the dangers of feminism with arguments about theologically mandated gender roles, encouraging them to shoulder the vast majority of the household responsibilities, and often to accept an impoverishment of their spiritual life less shul-going, fewer learning opportunities, in the name of their hallowed role as the traditional akeret habayit. Suddenly, in light of lifes practical realities, women have been directed into the bread-winning role as well. Is it me, or did someone just pull a fast one? Now the womens role is to be both the home-maker and the breadwinner, and the mans role is to
??? (Yes, I know, sustain the world through Talmud Torah; with all my appreciation for the indisputable importance of Talmud Torah, this argument is as persuasive to me as is the same argument when advanced in the name of over-arching exemption from service in the IDF. I feel ones personal responsibilities to others must be discharged before one can indulge in the luxury of a choice, noble as it may be, that at the end of the day imposes upon others even if they are willing to shoulder the burden.)
And women have shouldered the burden, as they generally do, well trained as they are in taking responsibility and caring for others. What provokes me in this whole scenario is that it somehow became a lose-lose double bind for women all of the responsibilities of traditional roles with few of the advantages of a more equality-oriented perspective, and now, all of the responsibilities of workplace as well. I am glad that the community is becoming aware of and grappling with the complexities that this expectation creates but notice, its not so much because the women have been complaining, but more because the men are noticing that the ripple effect is affecting the larger family and community systems. And that, in the end, is the point of this admittedly not particularly nuanced and perhaps too fervent diatribe, and why I so identified with Faigie Twerskis piece it is time to empower our women to voice their struggles, not in order to save our families, our communities, or Am Yisrael, but for the sake of our women themselves.
all the best,
Mali Brofsky
